Sunday, June 29, 2008

Dear Deefor

Dear Deefor,
I love tennis balls. I'm fixated with them. You know that right? I can't live without them. They are like my security blanket. When I'm bored & in the mood to play fetch with my hoomans, they are in no mood to play with me. I usually like to ask them to play with me when they are having their din dins or watching their favorite movie on television. What I usually do is stand in front of them & drop my tennis ball on the floor several times to tell them, that I want to play ball, NOW! I don't care if they're busy or what, I want them to play with me NOW! If they ignore me, I will purposely push my tennis ball under the couch & dig. I will dig & dig & dig & make so much noise & push their legs around until they will get so fed up & get their lazy bums off the couch & get it out for me. That's the only way to get their attention! But after that, they will continue doing whatever they were doing eg: eating. So I will do it again to annoy them. They will get so mad, they will smack my butt & yell at me to stop it. Do I deserve that? All I want them to do is just play fetch with me at least for a whole hour till I'm satisfied...Please advice. Thanks!

Butt wiggles,

Solid Gold Dancer

Dear Solid Gold Dancer,
Training humans is a lifetime project. Just when you have them doing what you want, they forget all their training and ignore you. And they can be lazy.

When you want their attention, they pretend they don’t hear you. They just ignore you. And finally get mad. It’s very frustrating. And treats won’t work on them because they have them all!

The tennis ball habit can be hard to kick—and why should you? It’s exercise and fun and doesn’t hurt anyone. Besides, the humans who started it. (I see my mom looking at the tennis ball doggies and wishing she could get me to chase them. Then she could stand in one place with a big plastic thing while I run around.)

Humans are funny. They love doing things for their doggies. Feeding us yummy stuff and taking us places. They just don’t like being bossed around by doggies so you have to do it a very nice way.

They want to live with doggies but in the house they like us to act like rugs and sleep a lot. Maybe you need to run around more inside. If you continue acting persistent (but not a pest), and a lot more active, the humans will think you need more exercise. Now you have them.

The happiest tennis ball doggies have a routine. Every day they get to play a few times. I see them in the park every morning. Then they go home and act very tired. (They really could play ball all day.) Once you’ve got them playing with you a lot every day, be very calm when the humans are doing their silly stuff.

Good Luck,


Amber-Mae said...

Oh Deefor, you are such a great pal & adviser! That's a very good advice you gave me & thank you!!!

Butt wiggles,
Solid Gold Dancer

Girl Girl Hamster said...

I think you can write a self help book Deefor. You give really good advise

~ Girl girl

Candi said...

Oh Deefor i am soo glad you are here for us, i don't know what i would do without your advice.

You truly are a wise one. There's a thought
Deefor the Wise One

lots of licks


Ike said...

I don't know how you do it, Deefor. You need to get paid for this stuff.

Joe Stains said...

Deefor, you are seriously smart. I think the only thing I need advice on is how to get rid of the Doofus and I don't think Mom will ever let that happen!

Lacy said...

w00f's Deefor and Arrow, hmm deefor u cood b more famous than dear abby...pawsome advice u always will haff to git u to help wiff my squeerl chasin not think its a problem but mama does...

b safe,

Abby said...

Hi, Deefor...

You are sooo smart...

I need some advise on how to get my Cuz away from Rosco when he has it...

He's alot bigger than me...He's usually really nice to me, but always wants the toy I am playing with...

Can you help?

Abby xxxooo

Mango said...

Deefor - I don't know if you were right on this one. Amber-Mae sounds like she might be a wee bit too focused on the tennis ball. Maybe she needs to branch out into other hobbies.


P.S. Are you open for business? Can I send you a question?

Asta said...

You awe such a vewy helpfuland wise advisow..I had no idea that you had a new caweew..this is cool
I an come and do youw Mommi's haiw..what colows does she like..Ithink violet is nice
smoochie kisses

Lorenza said...

Hi, Deefor!
Sounds like a good advice to Amber. Training humans is very hard!
Kisses and hugs

Pacco de Mongrel said...

since when you are a consultant...

Ferndoggle said...

Deefor, you are a regular Dr. Phil. Just a lot more handsome...


Kodak the Eskie said...

Great advice Deefor! We love your Ask Deefor column!

Hugs, Kodak

Deetz said...

This is the best advice column ever!!!!

Mango said...

Dear Deefor -
I am being starved to death in captivity. On nights I go to school and eat hot dogs I come home to half a cup of kibble! I am wasting away! How can I get more foodies?