Who You Gonna Call?

My owner mom did read Arrow’s book!

This morning a man rang the bell. When the door opened, Arrow ran out and I growled and snapped at his pants. After all, it is OUR house. That’s how we greet the Chinese food guy.

The man grabbed Arrow before he ran off and came in.

He sat down and explained how dogs get people to do stuff. My mom showed him Arrow’s manuscript. It said all the same things.

He told my mom she had to talk to us like a dog. A bigger, bossier dog than us. He went out again. This time my owner mom stood up and did this growl thing when I started to move to the door. I didn’t stop and she threw a noisy thing near my feet! Real scary. Then she called me over for some Good Doggie pets.

Arrow Before

She even did it with Arrow. He was so shocked he just stood there. Even with the door opened. Then he came over when she got down and called him. Without a treat.

We were amazed. She turned herself into a bossy dog. Later she did it when I barked out the window. And again when Arrow barked. He stopped! The man was from Bark Busters and she owes him big bucks.

Arrow After

But will it last?

Arrow's Guide to Training Humans

Since Arrow arrived, my owner mom has read lots of books about dogs. Books about having 2 dogs. Books about teaching dogs to do stuff. Not to do stuff. The other day she even talked to a dog trainer on the phone.

Yesterday I found a manuscript. Arrow is writing his own book about training people! He had it hidden under my blanky in my cage. Here is some of what he wrote:

A Dog’s Guide to Training Your Humans

To train humans, you have to be bad. Really bad. Humans don’t notice you if you’re good. Sure, they’ll pet you. Rub your belly. But they don’t shower you with treats. And all that Good Doggie praise.

If you’re bad enough, humans think they have to train you. It starts with Sit. Sit. Get a treat. You can just sit and look up at them and get a treat. They are easy to train.

Outside I pick stuff up. We walk on leashes in the city so there’s lots of stuff. Even in the country there are furry parts of animals and other yummy stuff. My human says Drop it! I drop it and get a treat. All I have to do when I want a treat is pick up a piece of garbage somewhere. Humans are real easy to train.

Now I know what you’re thinking: Why should I drop some chicken bone for a treat I always get? Because you can get those treats whenever you want. And if you are sneaky you can get the street treats too. Just eat them fast and don’t make a fuss about them.

Chew things. Anything. Shoes. Newspapers. Knitting. That gets you delicious chews and bones. Humans are easy to train.

Pooping and peeing in the house can get you lots of walkies. My owner mom was always taking me out. Outside she started giving me treats when I pooped! I kept having “accidents”. More walkies. Better treats. Double treats. Pieces of sausage and hot dog. Amazing things for just pooping outside. It took her about six months to realize that it didn’t matter when she walked me. Humans are slow learners. Use that. Now I mostly poop outside. For DOUBLE treats.

Being really bad in the house can get you out more. Things like barking a lot or running around like crazy. Humans think you must have more exercise. Longer walkies. Doggie day care. Dog parks. Fun places where you can run around and smell lots of butts. Maybe they’ll even move like Jon Katz who bought a farm in Vermont when his dog got in trouble in the burbs. (I read his book before I ate the cover.)

That is just the beginning! Arrow is sooo sneaky. It’s true. I almost never got treats before his bad self moved in!

Happy Monday

We got some new toys. A corn chew that Arrow thought was very tasty. I think we need two. Maybe a bigger one for me. And we got a monkey that makes a scary cry.

Most winter weekends there is ice racing on a frozen lake in Georgetown. We took a picture of a Jeep with spiky tires for you ice racing dogs.

Then home to Denver. I like to drive or sit on the driver's lap but my owner mom thinks it's dangerous. For who?

Arrow's at City Bark on doggie can this afternoon from about 1:00 to about 6:30. Roughly. Mountain time. I'll get to spend some quality time (no leash walkie) with my owner mom.

Desert Dog Park

We drove to the desert dog park. It’s only super hot in the summer 'cause it’s fenced in sand mostly. Arrow had eaten a flip flop and then some tin foil from a jacket pocket. There was Tylenol in it but those were all over the floor. So my owner mom wanted to get us (him) out of the house.








My mom thought we needed some exercise. Arrow ran around like a crazy dog. But he made lots of friends. I was pretty good off leash until I saw a giant Great Dane. Like a horse. I snipped at the back of his leg and out came my leash. He was so big he didn’t notice. We never get pictures of the good stuff because my camera woman is too busy freaking out.








We got to play. After a long time, Arrow started barking at a cute dog and wouldn’t stop. He’s frustrated because nobody speaks his language. Mom listened to talk radio on the way home and Arrow barfed up his kibble. (He prefers music in the car.) She checked that he didn’t swallow any medicine. Having a dog like Arrow can be pretty disgusting. And I am censoring this a little.








At home and tried to rest. But mom pulled out the elephant vacuum cleaner. Found a great place to hide.

Arrowless Monday

(With apologies to Tanner and Joe)

Arrow went to City Bark. Avalanche told us about it. We both went for interviews. First he went in and passed.

Then I checked it out. Passed my interview too. It was just meeting another doggie.


My owner mom thinks Arrow needs more exercise. She might take him one afternoon a week. I think she needs some Arrowless time.


They even have a pool. And we can see Arrow on the web to make sure he’s behaving. Here he is on the web-cam!

It’s quiet in the house but he’ll be back. I miss him sooo... ha ha

Lazy Weekend

Surprise. We were sleeping when my owner mom came home early today. She left the bearded at the mountain. Too crowded. She brought us yummy messy bones.

Arrow ate the plastic wrapper off his. He is smart. The label said not to eat them on the rug so he went on the couch.

And on the bed. He’s in one room and I’m in another. Good arrangement.

I stayed on the carpet. A bone is nothing compared to the things Arrow does on the carpet. And we’ll lick it clean.

My owner mom took me to Petco. People were showing off their well-trained doggies. Sit. Stay. One Petco worker with a clicker asked a Lhasa Apso for a high five. And he waved his paw in the air like Michael Jordan. They talked about dogs who could walk around hamburgers. My mom kept my leash close to her, afraid I might grab something. Or growl. But I was good. The floor smelled like pee. Maybe Arrow was here earlier.

She considered buying him a belly diaper for boy doggies. Which is worse? Cleaning the rug or the diaper?

Interior Dogerating

My humans have covered the rugs Arrow uses for potty with newspapers. A nice designer touch. Martha Stewart's dogs would be proud. Arrow chewed some and went peepee on another rug. He is backwards. Maybe he doesn’t like scratchy paper on his bottom when he can have a soft rug.Through all this I have been very mature. I am “the good dog.” Deefor never does that. The worse he is, the better I look. The perfect dog.

To change the subject.... A little more about me. I got this question from another blog. Take it and use it.

What three things would you do that you have never done before, if you knew you wouldn't get caught, get in trouble, or suffer any consequences.

1. I would run to the park and play with all the squirrels and loose dogs. And eat things in the park. I’d come back when I wanted.

2. I’d figure out how to get into the magic box. There’s ham in there. And cheese. Even ice cream. All the really good human food.

3. I would take all of the bones and chews in the house and not let Arrow have any. And I’d growl at him if he tried to get ‘em. (I forgot, I already do that! )

Broken Arrow

Brains or beauty? I think Arrow is smarter than me—in an evil sort of way. But I am cute and cuddly. Take walks as they come. Don’t scratch at cabinet doors for food. Don’t sneak around chewing things. Or bark when the neighbors are sleeping.

Arrow waits for the door to open and runs out. He barks at me when he wants to play.

And he likes to chew stuff. He loves library books. He chewed the cover of Articles of War which is Denver Mayor Hickenlooper’s book of the year. It looks boring.

Then he chewed the end off the bearded one’s favorite belt. He goes in my mom’s coat pockets when she’s not looking. Yesterday he found a chap stick and ate some. He ate some gum too.

He's been pooping on the rugs even though we go out for lots of walks. Yesterday he pooped in the house early—before our morning walk. Again before my mom came home from work. And again after two other walks. If my mom puts him in his cage he barks and cries. She's been growling a lot. Later he ran away when she accidentally let go of the leash. I chased him. We both had leashes on so some people on the street grabbed us.

I’m scared. My owner mom is ready to kill Arrow. She thinks he might be better if he was the only dog—in someone else’s house. But she loves him. And she knows I like to wrestle with him and take his stuff. She has been too mad to go on the internet. And too busy cleaning up poop.

Some of my ideas for keeping Arrow:
1. Move to the dog park so he can run around outside all the time
2. Put plastic all over the floors. Arrow can chew it and poop on it.
3. Doggie diapers? Yuk
4. Save up and take Arrow to a psychiatrist