Sunday, June 29, 2008

Dear Deefor

Dear Deefor,
I love tennis balls. I'm fixated with them. You know that right? I can't live without them. They are like my security blanket. When I'm bored & in the mood to play fetch with my hoomans, they are in no mood to play with me. I usually like to ask them to play with me when they are having their din dins or watching their favorite movie on television. What I usually do is stand in front of them & drop my tennis ball on the floor several times to tell them, that I want to play ball, NOW! I don't care if they're busy or what, I want them to play with me NOW! If they ignore me, I will purposely push my tennis ball under the couch & dig. I will dig & dig & dig & make so much noise & push their legs around until they will get so fed up & get their lazy bums off the couch & get it out for me. That's the only way to get their attention! But after that, they will continue doing whatever they were doing eg: eating. So I will do it again to annoy them. They will get so mad, they will smack my butt & yell at me to stop it. Do I deserve that? All I want them to do is just play fetch with me at least for a whole hour till I'm satisfied...Please advice. Thanks!

Butt wiggles,

Solid Gold Dancer

Dear Solid Gold Dancer,
Training humans is a lifetime project. Just when you have them doing what you want, they forget all their training and ignore you. And they can be lazy.

When you want their attention, they pretend they don’t hear you. They just ignore you. And finally get mad. It’s very frustrating. And treats won’t work on them because they have them all!

The tennis ball habit can be hard to kick—and why should you? It’s exercise and fun and doesn’t hurt anyone. Besides, the humans who started it. (I see my mom looking at the tennis ball doggies and wishing she could get me to chase them. Then she could stand in one place with a big plastic thing while I run around.)

Humans are funny. They love doing things for their doggies. Feeding us yummy stuff and taking us places. They just don’t like being bossed around by doggies so you have to do it a very nice way.

They want to live with doggies but in the house they like us to act like rugs and sleep a lot. Maybe you need to run around more inside. If you continue acting persistent (but not a pest), and a lot more active, the humans will think you need more exercise. Now you have them.

The happiest tennis ball doggies have a routine. Every day they get to play a few times. I see them in the park every morning. Then they go home and act very tired. (They really could play ball all day.) Once you’ve got them playing with you a lot every day, be very calm when the humans are doing their silly stuff.

Good Luck,

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Dear Deefor

Dear Deefor,
When my parents are away, I sometimes crap on the floor and then eat most of the evidence. My parents think this is disgusting. Are there any other ways I can show my disdain for being left alone?
Poopy Pants

Dear Poopy Pants,
Good you eat the evidence. Yummy snack and better for you. It's bad enough being left home without being locked in a cage. A better way is to perfect the sad eyes look and the (almost) silent cry. Act pitiful instead of pissed. You can train your humans to only go to restaurants with outdoor tables.
Good Luck,

Make them feel guilty....

If you have questions or problems send them to me at

Monday, June 23, 2008


I am exhausted. The humans took me camping over the weekend. Camping is hard work.

It was rough but fun. Being outside all day.

Sleeping in the tent.

They took me on some hikes.

We went to a lake.

There was a dinosaur bone on our campsite.

My ducky went with me.

I ate lots of yummy stuff. When they’re outside, humans throw hotdogs on the ground all the time. And ham and eggs. It was my job to keep the campsite clean.

Arrow was in City Bark. My mom was afraid he’d bark and pee on the tent. He’s really tired too.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Dear Deefor

Dear Deefor,
My owners sometimes think about getting another doggie. I’m not sure if I want that. It could be nice to have a pal to run around with like my friend Mijo here. But how do I know the new doggie won’t take my bones and toys? What do you think?


Dear Anxious,
Tell them NOT TO DO IT!!! You are probably very happy being the center of your universe or at least the bed and couch. It’s better not to rock the couch. Your new pal might be nice like Mijo, or you might get a crazy dog who looks normal but ends up a maniac (like the doggie I live with).


If you have questions or problems send them to me at

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Arrow's Last Stand

My owner mom should know better. Arrow runs away. I growl at doggies. Sometimes. But she likes to see us run around free so she took us to a doggie park again yesterday. The Witness Protection Doggie Park.

I ran around with Arrow. We had the best time. For a while.

We went in the water a lot. Arrow likes to swim and I like to sit in the water. I got rid of some of the flower smell from my bath. Arrow just got stinkier. He really smells ripe. I'm jealous.

I growled at a brown dog and got put on the leash. That was OK. I was tired.

When it was time to go Arrow ran away. He saw the parking lot and refused to come. My mom yelled, "Arrow Come" and made birdie noises over and over. She tried to get other dog owners to grab him but he was fast. He'd come into view and then run away.

A truck with park rangers saw Arrow and followed him. He came right over to the ranger and they brought him back. Maybe Arrow thought he was going to live in the park with the ranger forever. Now I think we'll never go back to a dog park.

Monday, June 16, 2008

People Park

We went to the park yesterday. Not a free run around dog park but a regular people park. That means leashes. Especially for my runaway brother Arrow. But he got the stretchy leash so he could swim a little.
In the car. He's in the cage. Barfing problem at times. He really hates talk radio. He's prefers music-- Salsa music is his favorite.

I mostly relaxed. Watched humans. Most of them had a lot of food.

Once I found some yummy leftovers. I was not allowed to eat them. Of course. Arrow found a hamburger near a grill. Left for doggies by kind picnic humans. But he couldn't convince the humans so they dragged him away. Doesn't my tail look nice?

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Bath Time

BEFORE Do I look dirty to you?

A dirty little secret. My mom brought me to a groomer for a bath. Twice. The first time I didn’t know what was happening. Pretty bad. Bath. Brushing. Drying. Shaving and cutting. Then I was so soft and smelled like a flower—not a doggie. Why get a dog if you really wanted a flower?

But yesterday I knew. I saw that weird dog in the bathtub and I didn’t want to go in. I was shaking. There were lots of little doggies running around. They didn’t smell like they needed a bath either. Again-- washing, trimming, brushing, drying.

AFTER I am so clean it’s disgusting.

Saturday, June 7, 2008


Today we received the goodiest goodies from Arabella! Yummy stuff. Chewies. Stuffies. Squeakies . Tug-o-War toys. Me and Arrow played all day. Thank you Arabella

Witness Protection Program

You guys know how bad Arrow and me have been in doggie parks. Arrow went under a fence where some horses are and wouldn’t come out. He ran around eating poop for a long time. Then I nipped a human’s leg in the fenced in doggie park we went to instead.

My owner mom still thinks we need to run around like maniacs sometimes—bad as we are. This week she took us to a new place where no one knows us and we have not committed any crimes. A secret location. The witness protection doggie park.

It’s far away but not crowded. There’s lots of water and trails. I was friendly to everyone except a Great Dane. I forget that they’re dogs and attack them. But I only growled and then I was good. No biting or fighting.

Arrow didn't want to go home. He ran away when my mom wanted to leave. But he followed her to a beach with lots of people and she asked a stranger to grab him. Arrow was so tired he didn’t even care.

Friday, June 6, 2008


I'm a smoocher. Are you? More with people than doggies.

Compare the taste of a yummy beard with a doggie’s behind. Which would you rather lick?

I am especially smoochie with my bearded owner. He loves kisses.

And I don't like to share him.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Some Colorado Dog Parks

I am not sure if I will ever run around in a dog park again. Last week I was at the fenced doggie park with Arrow. I don’t know what got into me. I was standing next to a leg and I bit it. It looked kind of like a Great Dane leg, but it belonged to a woman. She was bleeding. It was a little bite but it was bad. Her pants tasted kind of like socks. Maybe I need glasses—or contacts.

Arrow was running around and I was hanging around. I calmly nipped at the leg and then went about my business. It was bad. We had to leave. My mom is worried about me.

I’ll tell you about some dog parks in Colorado that I visited while I can still remember them. The places I may never see again.

Cherry Creek State Park in Denver is very nice. There is a big section where doggies can run around and play. There is the creek and a muddy pond to swim and splash in. Lots of trails. There is a place with horses in part of the park where doggies aren’t supposed to go. (Where Arrow went under the fence and ate horse poop.)

There is a smaller-- but not too small-- fenced park in another part of Denver called Stapleton. (Where I had my unfortunate nip incident.) It is mostly sand with a few trees and places for humans to sit. It isn’t bad as long as it’s not too hot. When it’s hot, it’s like a desert.

We went to a fenced in but woodsy park in Golden, a city not far from Denver. This place was nice because it was cool. There were some paths and lots of trees. It is part of a bigger park. I walked around with a doggie who looked like Amber Mae.

Arrow couldn't get under the fence to the archery club.

And there is Cheesman Park, around the corner from our house. You aren’t supposed to be off your leash there, but it’s been known to happen. It’s got good smells even on the leash.

Sorry I haven't been on the computer much. And you know whose fault that is.